22nd May 2019

22-05-2019 13:05

I used to puzzle a bout a lot of things as a boy, for example: What would it feel like to be a cat? Do fish feels pain? Well, how about insects? Was the Big Bang just an accident? Is there a God? Why do so many innocent people and animals suffer terrible things? Is there really a plan for my life? Is the future yet to be written? Or is it already written and we just can’t see it? Who am I anyway? Am I just a biological machine? But then, why am I conscious? What is consciousness?

Well, I kind of assumed that some day, I would be told the answers to all these questions. I mean, someone must knows right? Maybe Ibu or my teachers at least. Huh, guess what? No one knows. Most of these questions puzzle me more now than the ever. And it’s nicer to be able to express these questions to someone whom would understand you. You know how I always see myself as neither optimist nor pessimist but more towards a realist. They say that realists like to tell stories about things that happened around us. Literally anything that happen. But it sucks to have to keep it all these stories to myself because I am always scared to share them with anyone. I used to have a really good friend when I was in high school. A friend that I would never get bored even when I spent my whole day with him. One that I would never run out of stories to tell him. It was so good and relaxing to get everything off my chest. But as we grow older, so does the distant. And ever since after that, I never actually trusted anyone to share all of my stories. Or more like I never gave a chance to myself to open up to someone. I always feels insecure whenever I start to open up and ends up bottling all my emotions. You see, this is not good for our mental health. Stop building a wall. Reach out to someone if you feels like you can’t hold it any longer. Give yourself chances to believe again. You are not alone in this world. I hope and pray that none of you would have to go through what I went and going through. Keep your heads up, find yourself a good listener it would all worth it 🙂

 

love, live, laughter

Razin 🙂

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