Getting my head out of my Ass

16-04-2019 08:04

Long day

Went to this lunch that I’ve been going to for a while

Where a small group just talks about masculinity

In a healthy way

Today’s topic was about love and masculinity

But for some reason everyone kept on circling around romantic relationships

And who pays on the first date

The interesting thing is

I was thinking about love and masculinity

And when I think about love

I don’t really think about masculinity

Because love just takes over?

Had my classes

Parallelism talking about prefix sum

And skipped databases because they were doing some lame presentations

And I didn’t need more attendance points

So I did my laundry

It was sunny and bright

Bright and sunny today

So bright and sunny that in Paris the cathedral burned

Notre Dame

Historic building just up in flames


People crying but I didn’t really understand it

I guess I’m not a Parisian but also I don’t know what the analogue would be for me

I don’t think I would cry for any building

The Clippers staged the biggest NBA comeback today

31 points

Who lost by 31?

The Warriors of course

Blew another 31 lead haha

Did my laundry then went and played basketball in the sun with my good friend from Taiwan

It kind of felt like Taiwan to be honest

Too hot

I’m getting better at balling

Won two out of three one on one


Had a little jam session with one of my best friends

Who Says is stuck in my head

One last breath by Creed

It’s funny because I said One Last Breath was really going to define the moment

Because the riff was beautiful and we made a joke out of it

But I think it is Who Says that’s going to stick

And really remind me of him and that moment

On the terrace of this gorgeous dorm

On a beautiful sunny and bright day

Bright and sunny

We talked about appreciating where we’re at

At a great university

Living someone else’s dream

He started the healthy masculinities club

And we talked about balancing power in leadership

I argued that sometimes you need a weaker leader to be the leader

The second best candidate

Or not even

Because the ‘best’

Most qualified candidate

Might not connect with the majority as well

As much as the other candidate does

I think there’s often two sides

And the talented people get to have their voices heard

They also get the leadership positions

And that is often what they deserve


I argue that maybe sometimes it’s better to put someone else

The less conventional candidate

Even less deserving

Like fucking Trump

Someone that represents the people that can’t articulate as well

So that the voices are balanced

I don’t know

I talked with him for a long time

He’s one of the best guys I’ve met here at university

Only known him for a year but he’s amazing

He’s going to make a difference in this world for sure

LSD’s Heaven Can Wait

Then went to office hours

And the library for the rest of the day

Made progress I think

Learned a lot

Have a lot of questions

But all in all a productive day

I think I had an epiphany the other day

I read how men are often only at their best when they’re trying to woo women

Or think they have to be at their best when they are attracting a mate

And I was like

Well shit

They might be right

Shitty to admit it but

I think I do that sometimes

Not sometimes, fuck- a lot!

Why can’t I be good by myself

Be the best version of me for myself

Not even for myself

Just be the best version of me haha

I think I shared about this yesterday? I’m not sure anymore

Sent out a survey for my startup to parents

Emailed Day cares

Set up a system where they could recommend the survey to their friends

But a couple of people just wrote

Which is sad

But it’s fine

I’m doing better

Gotta start living for each day again

I do still wish it would just be summer

Because I do hate how the relationship ended

And it sucks knowing that she’s there

A couple hundred feet away from me

And we aren’t interacting

Like I rather it be clean cut

Than this sad bullshit

Go Back to your Precious Wife and Son

Is the Vonnegut short story of the day

And it’s all about how romance and glamour doesn’t really help for a relationship

How marriage is hard – long term relationships are difficult

But it’s really about companionship

And stability

Even if the stability is kind of shitty haha

I don’t know I’m still young

But interesting concepts for sure

I still think about her a lot

Less and I know it will fade

Reading the Vonnegut book makes me feel like a connection is still there