I’ve been quiet long enough. Now I speak.
For a while now I’ve bare witness to the abuse Ramz has endured and unfortunately in result to this, today is the day he broke publically by showing suicidal tendencies through an insta post, which you may know already as many are wishing him a speedy recovery. Really and truly Ramz has been crying for help for months now through interviews and tweets, that the public choose to care for only in the moment.
It takes suicide for people to show ‘genuine’ concern and affection hence the saying ‘they only love you when you’re gone’.
Some people aren’t a fan of his music, cool. That’s your own. If you want to voice your dislike for the music then do your thing, everyone has to hold criticism at some point but when you fail to separate the artist from the human that is a personal attack! An artist, a footballer, a scientist, a makeup artist or anyone that has a trade can look over criticism and recognise the areas in which they have to improve but a human being bullied for being themselves.. how do you react to the world labelling you as wrong when all you strive to achieve is right?
It angers me greatly because all anyone in this life is trying to achieve is inner peace. Trying to better themselves, breaking their back to put on for their families and/or loved ones.
It’s like a fly trapped in a house. You know how it goes. The fly can see the other side but when it makes the dash, it’s met by the weight of the window. Tries repeatedly to escape, hell it even tries excruciatingly harder, suffering damage with the hopes of a breakthrough.. but the result refuses to change. Now you as an observer have a choice, either open the window or draw for the slipper providing another obstacle.
This is mental health, feeling caged in, attacked from all angles, feeling the pressure engulf you until attempting to overcome becomes pointless, somewhat stupid. Worst comes to worst, penance feels like the only ‘solution’.
There is no gym for mental health.
Having witnessed mental illness cause my closest people to breakdown, disappear and isolate themselves from everyone, I know mental illness cannot be taken for a joke.
Speaking from a personal perspective I’m fortunate enough to say I haven’t suffered the worst mental illness but to bluntly describe my mental state.. I’m fucked.
I’m a closed book. I’m aware of this, so are many of you. So much so that even if the book were to be opened they will be met with blank pages. Whether this a protective mechanism I chose to install or the result of the events I’ve been through, in all honesty I couldn’t tell you.
Communication becomes a burden because I second guess everybody’s intentions. To the extent that when I’m genuinely in the mood to converse, I feel unsure of what to say due to the time spent isolating myself.
I won’t speak on my experiences but a lesson we all learn is not everybody has your heart. Experiences force me to use my heart less, without consent circumstances forced me to become heartless.
Depression, anxiety, bipolar, loneliness, paranoia, drug abuse – getting high to escape the low. These are all results of mental illness, another thing they share in common is that they all activate without you recognising until recovery feels like a pilgrimage.
As an observer I religiously feel it’s crucial to show love in a world that’s starved of compassion and genuine figures. Not everyone wants to call a helpline or confide in family. More times than not it’s about you, the observer, making the first step.
For those going through it stay true to yourself, the window won’t be closed forever.
For those that assist in increasing the burden, be nice or shut up. If you see someone needs help, provide support.
Prayers up to Ramz and to you.
p.s. Love you Tia. Love you Wilson. I know you’ll make it to sunny pastures again but I’m here with you through the storm.