“Get out of my House!”

18-06-2019 11:06

“Get out of my house!” She yelled at me.

“I am just going to grab one more beer then,” I said as I stood up to leave.

“Get them all!”

“No that’s okay, you can have the rest, I will just take one for the road,” I said, as I grabbed one of the beers I had just purchased for us and began to exit her place.

On the way out she opened the door to exclaim loudly, as if she wanted all her neighbors to hear, “and just so you know? Most women will be mad if you dare to claim Trump and Hillary are the same!”

“I didn’t say they were the same, you didn’t let me speak much, and I never even expressed my true feelings, but all I said, was that I think Hillary is awful too.”

I walk home.

More words were exchanged in there, including the fact that she did acknowledge that she spoke over me, and was getting angry, and didn’t let me speak much. She was cognizant of her behavior, and I think she didn’t mean to get so worked up, but she did. I do give her credit for outwardly admitting those things before I said anything about it.

There seems to be a real inability for a sense of rationality and a grasp over one’s emotions when it comes to politics these days. I told her I didn’t want to talk politics, and she insisted we get into it. I told her I am in the middle, and I can see where the left has the issues they argue for, and I can see where the right has their issues they are arguing for. Then she consistently went down a rabbit hole of things to attack Republicans and Trump on and explain how there is no giving those people an inch, she said. There is no room to work with them she announced. I expressed how I understand her side, and I am for all the arguments she brought up. I am for many of the things that she expressed she is upset about, but because I wasn’t willing to completely attack the right, and side with the left, the conversation escalated until I made the comment about Hillary being awful.

Up until that point, we were having a lovely evening. This was our second date, and she invited me to her place this time. The first date consisted of a lovely walk across town. We both are working on the radio, and she is a journalist for the other public radio station in town. We both had a lot of things in common about our lives, and our values, and our desires for a relationship. We both had so many things aligned…

I am not a Republican. I am not a Democrat. I am not a Leftist, and I am not a Right-Winger. I have some Conservative Values, but I spent most of my life as a Far Left Liberal, and still hold many Liberal Values as well. I do have more criticisms of the left due to once having been a fanatic for this side. I see more errs in my old way of thinking and the reasoning and logic I used to hold. For this reason, many on the left would jump to conclusions and call me such names as a “Nazi,” “Fascist,” and “Republican.” I am not for any of these groups nor philosophies, yet somehow my desire to include nuance into such arguments, allows the narrow-minded left to lump me in with them.

Now don’t think I get off easy with the narrow -minded right neither. I am called a “Libtard,” “Zionist,” and “Beta Cuck,” by the far right as well.

Fascinating how I can be both a Nazi and Zionist at the same time.

Which leads me to my entire point of this…

How is it that neither side sees the similarities in one another? I am not saying they are the same thing, but their methods of fanaticism and self-righteousness reek of the same exact tactics, while they point the finger the other way, and claim the other side is the enemy, as if they have no faults.

I am not on either of your sides and many of you both would claim I am your enemy for not joining you. I mean I never even defended the right with her, I simply said I can see both arguments, and I am not going to fully side with the left, and to her, she said I am part of the problem. Which is how both sides see it. This is how civil wars are started. Both sides claiming absolutism in their version of the truth, and if you don’t tip-toe to the line for their side, then you are on the other side. There is no room for nuance anymore.

I think we are living in some crazy times, but ultimately, I am an optimist. Martin Luther King once said, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."[1] I strongly believe in that.

I do think we have some regressive political issues in this nation, and I can understand why women are upset about Alabama, and other things coming to fruition. I also think it is entitled to pretend women live in worse times then their great grandmothers lived in. Those women fought hard for the Suffragist movement and yet, somehow many of these young women forget this. They pretend things are so bad, and I don’t deny things still have their issues, but to pretend things aren’t better and therefore on an upward trajectory, then I just don’t see how you can have any resemblance in balance in this discussion.

So many people on both sides are leaning towards extremism. The far-right are blaming the Jews for Cultural Marxism and have views about race that I disagree with. The far-left are blaming the right for the oppression of women and minorities and seem to think that all of us white men, have been born with a silver spoon, and are born with an innate privilege that we are somehow responsible for, and therefore owe to them. We should live in guilt for who we are. I don’t honestly see too much difference in the hatred. Even me defending a white male such as myself will somehow translate to those people that I am part of the problem, and that I am supposedly a racist misogynist…

Yet none of these people recognize my personal journey. Those same people never recognize the fact that I was homeless as a teenager. I come from a poor abusive family. I was raised in less than ideal standards and I have issues from said childhood. I was homeless for many years and went to many homeless shelters and was turned down due to quotas and I was a single white male, so they would always choose women, children, and minorities first. I am fully for the children argument… except that I was also a child when this homeless journey began. I also have cancer and have battled this pain for most of my life as I got sick at 12, and we didn’t know what was wrong with me for years, but I have dealt with chronic pain while homeless most of my life, without familial support. Without money, without white family ties, without a roof, without approval to various services like welfare and WIC that is only for women and children and minorities…  guess who had the lack of privilege in this scenario? I did.

Granted I get arguments about what minorities deal with in this country. I fully comprehend their issues, and I admit things should be worked on. I fully acknowledge the problems women have in this country, with men, and some legal policies as well. I fully concede they have their unique issues that could and should be worked on in this country. Yet somehow both groups fail to recognize not all white people are given some extra privilege in life over them. In fact, I have multiple stories. How about the fact that as I am living off grants and loans, I am searching through scholarships, and all of them are for women, and minorities? There are none that help white men. Supposedly this is some form of Affirmative Action that the argument stands that it is equaling the playing field. Well sure, except that is regarding the population of white people who do have money in this country. These views and practices completely disregard the suffering of poor white people in this country, and we aren’t allowed to ever discuss this unless made fun of and told many despicable things. I am sure this article will only get hatred and misunderstanding.

I am sure of one thing. None of you would trade your lives as a woman nor a minority in this country for the life I have lived. If you think you would, then I strongly suggest you don’t know what you are talking about.

I could go on and on about my personal story but that isn’t the exact point here. I am not alone neither when it comes to this. I am not the only poor white boy who came from the gutter without any family that had their back. I am not the only one who feels like the whole world gets to complain about their problems and lash out, but we are not allowed. This sort of speech is considered hate speech to even consider that I am a human being with feelings, and I have most likely had it harder than 99% of the people who have expressed these views to me. I know there are people in this country who had a worse life, but most people who have had it hard, don’t complain about it the same. The truly disadvantaged tend to not blame others so much. It is the entitled who claim they are oppressed.  In fact, I am not even trying to complain about my life, I am simply pointing out that I have reasons to complain, and instead of taking that out on others, I am not even allowed to express these feelings without condemnation. That is the only reason this is brought up.

I will anger the left, and I will anger the right on this site.

My goal?

Is to try to get both sides to work together. I have a hard road ahead of me. Both sides are fanatical about these issues. I just wish both sides could at least see how they both could stand to try more empathy and understanding.

Now I will enjoy my final beer alone, and wish you all, black, white, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, man, woman, and child… all a good night.

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