Family time

23-06-2019 23:06

Today is day 6 in Florida or is it 7? When retirement was completed I set goal to spend time with all my Daughters and Kyle individually to highlight not only my love for them but the fact is I actually enjoy being with them individually.

Grace was 3 when we came to Florida as a family so over the years she has hated the chats her older sisters have about Florida as she has no memory of it. So her choice was here.

Again my lucky streak in life means one of my best friend’s has a 5 bedroom villa in Florida that he offers to me for free and we get a £1500 a week villa for just the 2 of us which means Grace gets her greatest love of having our own pool. Amazing it truly is.

Florida hasn’t changed much since we came here as a family but of course my life has, 2nd divorce & a realisation that my selfish personality that focuses on something I want to achieve maybe wasn’t the best trait for a husband.

But here I am in Florida again & all this because I got 2nd chance in life many didn’t get, Florida with Grace is another part of that journey to make my extra time alive as memorable to those I love as I possibly can.

Kyle has had 3 Scotland trips as obviously lives with me, Morgan had Austwitz which I loved her for as she held off till she felt emotionally ready for it, Ally Bally and I will visit Rome and Florence this year , Paula gets me so much now as at every opportunity I go to Manchester to see her.

I have them all together next at a Paula’s wedding and can’t wait as they refuse to let me go to Hen party.

I write this sitting in cafe at front of Busch gardens as Grace takes final lap round park on the rides she loved most, I of course cannot go on any rides due to pacemaker so this week has been a lot of waiting around.

Many think what a waste of money but fail to understand to see Grace’s face after every ride, park and day will last in the memory longer than a 30 second roller coaster, To see Morgan’s attitude to the holocaust made me realise she was now a young women so grown up and setting on a road that offers so much that I can be proud of.

Ally Bally straight away said Rome and Florence as long held dreams so I get to share it with her, Paula always welcomes me with such sweetness again I see a confident sweet but very determined young women I can be so proud of.

All of above because I have a chronic heart condition that meant I had to retire at 51, again many misunderstand that this wonderful gift with my daughters comes with a catch.

I can be with them in body but I am not always with them the way I want to because my mood within is tired and fatigued I try so hard not to show them, I can sit there in so much discomfort but I will not allow it into my time with them. Of course I fail sometimes and with every meet I need to try harder to contain my inner demons but I will always try harder for them no matter what it takes.

Luckily Grace like Kyle has been closest to my journey so understands it, we did absolutely nothing yesterday as week caught up with me and we stay by pool in villa. she just accepts it, I don’t feel angry against the world when with her or any of the others along with Lorna and Zola as nothing outside them matters. I just love being with Grace as I have with all my daughters and Kyle along of course with Lorna and Zola as I always have since my diagnose.