in defence of riverdale – lol sike

18-05-2019 19:05

you frickin fricks – when will you learn, when will you learn that your actions have consequences!

well ://
currently me after watching a whole twenty-two episodes of this godforsaken hell show.

okay so my dumbass still watches riverdale so you dont have to and i told you man that i would be making another post about it. well, here it is lads. the pain i have been through to continue watching this show every week is immense. ngl, but my strength is one to match that of thor but that’s just my opinion.

season three has actually done the Most oh my fuckin god. somehow, they managed to find a conclusion to this madness but it’s nothing that i couldn’t have/didn’t predict weeks ago.

okay, so im gonna give a brief overview of the last episode:

  • betty was gonna get her head cut off n dissected or some shit cause the farm is organ harvesting
  • oh yeah lol, the farm is fucking organ harvesting i love that for them ugh
  • betty, veronica, aRcHiEkInS and jughead had to go on a fucking death quest arranged by ms penelope blossom herself
  • cheryl’s mum poisoned betty n veronica but they got the antidote just in time haha we love perfect timing uwuUuUuu
  • cheryl rode the pretty poisons and the serpents into battle against her mum and somehow the pretty poisions are aces at archery now lol okay
  • the black hood dead
  • chic is back in black and as sleep-deprived as ever
  • also lol, chic is the fuckin gargoyle king omg he was SuPpOsEd tO bE dEaD !1!1!!!! wHo WoUlDa ThUnK tHaT tHeY wOuLd FiNd SoMe WaY tO rEViVe HiM ?2!1?2!?2
  • 3up hermione cause she in jail
  • the writers had to find a way to fix alice so apparently she’s been working with the fbi for weeks now, infiltrating the farm and acting as one of them to find out more info and finally capture edgar evernever
  • there was a scene for s4 shown and lol betty, veronica, archie n jug mighta just killed somebody. or killed jughead bc he wasn’t in the scene n they were burning his bloodsoaked hat while they all wore nothing but their underwear.
  • oh yeah n cheryl just deadass be talking jason’s dead body but like, that’s just the life we live yanno

so there you have it folks. this show is a mess. but it’s not like we didnt know that already.

so im not saying that this is one of the most poorly written shows that i have ever fuckin seen, but this is one of the most poorly written shows that i have ever fuckin seen.

first thing’s first:

alice

riverdale in a nut shell bc they are too cowardly to follow through on the fufu shit they write

omg. does riverdale get its writers from the mcu bc they both have the common thread of utterly destroying their best characters’ personalities, disposition and identity. okay im jk, im just still salty over endgame. anyway, im fully convinced that the writers saw all the backlash against alice’s character development and changed it last minute to make it so that she was working for the fbi. like, i Been knew that the alice in season one would never have let that shit slide. and trying to save her character by being like “ha! sike! we got you again! alice is perfectly normal and won’t have to deal with the trauma of being a farmie in the next season bc we dont like dealing with the consequences of our shit writing haha lol uwu!” is so fucking lazy. disappointed but not surprised really.

i just don’t understand ://

like, i would have Loved to see how betty would’ve reacted to seeing her mum realise that she was right all this fucking time. i want the writers and the characters to actually deal with alice essentially abandoning betty and putting juniper and dagwood in danger. i would have loved to see how that would have played out, but as usual, riverdale doesn’t know how to follow through on their bullshit and copped out at the last second by making it so that alice was never indoctrinated or acted on her vulnerability at all. it would’ve been a major turning point in betty and alice’s relationship and i feel like i am going to be robbed of their reconciliation in season four.

once again, my time has been wasted.

but now, it also feels like this season has been all for nothing. they completely destroyed alice’s character and then betty’s endless attempts of reasoning with her – which all ultimately failed btw – was so boring and tedious to watch bc it was the same fuckin thing each week. but now that we know that alice was never a “true farmie” at all, it’s like ??? just stick to one thing pls. what was even the point of the farm and its surrounding around alice – taking such a hard-headed, badass, take-no-shit character and utterly breaking her down into a deluded and ignorant person – if she was never really a part of it at all.

i have really been starved of my alice spice n comebacks and it shows.

archie

lol yeah he’s still a dumbass, let’s be honest.

im not even wanting to be mean but archie really is the blandest bitch of them all! ive been saying this since season one with his troy bolton ‘sport or music’ arc. i do have to say though that his relationship with his mum brings the most realism to the show. we remember that archie and his friends really are only sixteen/seventeen. molly ringwald brings such an air of grounding and “wtf is up with riverdale” and brings us all back down to earth. honestly, molly ringwald was one of the only reasons i kept watching till the end of the season. she looks out for archie, she tells him when he’s being a dumbass, she chastises him, and her little inquires into his relationship with veronica are so cute and motherly like ffs, this is what yall needed to write in a whole season ago sis!

i made this so yall better mcfuckin respect it

but they really made sis say that archie n veronica are “endgame” i-

im also so sad about luke perry’s passing. his presence on the show also brought such stability and grounding to riverdale and it was him that would never fail to check archie. it truly wont be the same without him and this show can only go downhill from this.

but that’s enough sad boi hours for one day. anyway, i am so mcfreakin tired of archie trying to fight grown ass men. like, you have exams what are you doing please? i sweatergod-

me @ both archie and hiram. leave each other alone lol, are u twelve pls?

archie’s beef with hiram and vice versa is so mcfreaking boring. i just dont understand why they wont let this plot go. i thought they called a truce omg why are they still at each other’s throats? it’s not that deep, pls simmer. like, sis was really gonna murk hiram in his hospital bed like a coward too. it’s so childish. stop beefing grown men and go and do ur homework. like, he said himself that he’s failing n he’s still out here trying to beef 40 year-old men ffs.

also, lol. they made archie fight a “friggin bear” again im so-

veronica

camila mendes gets the worse fucking lines, second to madeline petsch. but they’re both collecting That Coin at the end of the month so i mean

im so sorry that a-

although she was more or less bearable this season, veronica is really doing too much. also, i haven’t forgotten her cover of daddy lessons by beyoncé and i wish i could – not because it was bad but bc they really took it to the extreme of how many times they could write “daddy” in the script and still have it be acceptable.

i really do feel bad for her though. like, her dad is an Ass, he has it out for her and constantly lies and was willingly gonna let their family fall apart with little regard to veronica’s wellbeing, hermione finna go to jail and she was being manipulated by jughead’s mum for a good part of the season. wow, it really seems like the riverdale parents have it out for her lol.

i don’t really have much to say about veronica aside from the fact that she’s extra as hell and is more often than not, annoying. but that was how she was from season one so :// i can’t really be mad

i do gotta say that her performance in the heathers episode where she sings that song about how sad she is actually did snap and veronica’s brokeness over the state of her family was really touching and the first time since season one where i didnt roll my eyes within a two-minute period.

also the last performance of the heathers episode also kinda snapped too but i shouldn’t be complementing riverdale on main

betty

i mean – i have to laugh

where do i start? betty had so much going on this season lmaooo. her mum basically abandoned her for the farm and almost all her friends are “cuckoo” for it too, her niece n nephew are being raised by organ harvesting strangers, she almost got her brain cut out by the same organisation, she tried to burn down her house, she be having seizures – a lot – chic didnt die, she thought her dad died but then he didnt n he came back to murder her and then when she was face to face with him n forced to kill him, she shot his hook hand and then had to watch penelope blossom shoot him in the head instead like rah. it’s a bit mad still.

me waiting for a change in the farm plot’s execution knowing full well they just gon have betty try n fail for the remainder of the season

the amount of times i had to roll my eyes at betty was wild. every single episode it was “tHe FaRm Is BaD !1!1!1!1! i HaVe To StOp ThEm !1!1!1!1!” and i mean, she wasn’t wrong but for 22 episodes straight, all her attempts at foiling the farm failed and made the season really awful to watch because we got zero gratification for the same monotonous plot for every episode.

also lol, when is betty gonna actually kill someone pls ?? like, for three seasons straight she’s been like “i will kill you” to several people and all now she ain’t done shit. i mean, are they gonna deal with dark!betty – not necessarily by her becoming a killer bc even though i suggested it, i dont want that for her n that’s stretch but i want to see her deal with her problems and what her family is afraid of – or are they just gonna have her threaten people left, right and center and leave it at that?

jughead

uhhhhhh, omfg is he fuckin dead? with the way that riverdale deals with death, nobody is dead until you see the body. and even then you can never be too sure.

i dont actually see them killing off jughead, plus, he is the narrator after all. but the main reason i say that i dont see them killing off jughead is bc they’ve done this “iS hE dEaD ???” trope before. just off the top of my head, they’ve done this with jughead, archie, jason, chic and hal cooper so :// if he lives to the end of season four, i wouldn’t be surprised.

aside from these five characters:

me, opening the netflix app every thursday evening and then proceeding to sigh at five minute intervals.

im so tired of watching the same thing every thursday evening. like, yeah okay, we get it. betty fails at taking down the farm, once with cheryl and then again with toni, surprise surprise. the gargoyle king is a thing and will stop at nothing to torture riverdale. hal copper is bad lol. hiram and archie are perpetually beefing. will veronica choose archie or will veronica choose reggie? it’s the same fucking thing on repeat.

it’s unimaginative n uninspiring and they constantly go back on themselves bc riverdale writers don’t know how to deal with plots that they’ve set in motion.

riverdale really doesn’t like dealing with the consequences of their actions. like, in regards to the last couple of episodes of season three specifically – there was no reason to bring back chic. there was no reason to revamp the jason blossom ordeal. just let the black hood die, that plot was a mission to follow and having two big bads in riverdale at the in same time just to be written off in like three episodes was so lazy.

it’s also very unrealistic on the topic of everything being somewhat resolved in a matter of one (1) single episode. like, honey, i think not. you’re really telling me that the whole farm nonsense that betty couldn’t get over for twenty-one Whole episodes was resolved Just Like That in the space of 45 minutes? i don’t think so.

revealing the gargoyle king to be chic was supposed to make our jaws drop, unfortunately, all i could do was literally just sigh like lmao, i really can’t be shocked by anything that this show does. and then to have penelope be the mastermind behind it all was just like ummm okay… because, while we know that riverdale has never been kind to penelope, she was never focal enough for me to be like” oh yeah, this makes so much sense and i can totally understand why she would organise a death quest for four teenagers, one of which is her daughter’s cousin”, yanno. it was too theatrical and too bbc’s merlin-esque in the sense that the whole battle scene with the serpents and pretty poisons charging penelope’s men felt so medieval and out of place for riverdale and if something’s out of place for riverdale, that’s saying a lot.

and while i think that the writers’ have tried to make penelope a villain that we can sympathise with bc of her son’s death by her husband’s hand as well as being married off to a monster while everyone she knew just stood by, i’ve become so jaded and disconnected with this series that while im like “damn, that’s sad, press f to pay respects”, the weight of her actions and my not knowing much about penelope blossom bc they didnt exaggerate her as that significant just made me so unmoved by that big reveal. also lol, she’s a dirty lil homophobic coward that sent her daughter away to conversion therapy so maybe that’s also why i didnt care so much for her grievances (n her being married off was never shown on screen either so even though we got that sad backstory, it’s hard to remember bc it’s not like we’ve seen her on hat journey in order to always be compassionate towards her) or that she was essentially the real gargoyle king.

the writers making penelope the orchestrator of the gargoyle king, fr thinking that it would resonate with the part of the audience over the age of fourteen.

it was so strange for them to make penelope the mastermind behind it all. like, did the writers stretch before that reach? it felt so forced and like “wow! we gotta make the gargoyle king somebody no one will ever guess! even if it doesn’t make sense or add any true gravity to the plotline!” bc the writers are so obsessed with being bizarre and ironically unpredictable that they forget about adding any realism and sense to the show and create motivations out of nowhere at the expense of real character development.

and don’t even get me started on charles actually being a thing. first of all, that shit was so delayed like lmao i been waiting for this for like a whole season. also find it hard to believe that alice wouldn’t even say a single word to betty or anyone else about charles. and from the moment betty looked at charles funny i just knew that it would be him and then she said “do i know you?” and my suspicions were confirmed. but again, i can’t be surprised that charles is being introduced to riverdale bc even though we had this whole charles/chic ordeal last season and we collectively cancelled he possibility of charles being alive, we still didnt see a body so ://

if i knew it would’ve been like this, i wouldn’t have even clicked on season one, on god

it’s too just much too late. but also, bc the charles/chic storyline was over, the reveal that charles is alive has me like “lol, okay so what?”

but really, so what? we didnt even get to see alice’s reaction to her son being alive so honestly idc that he’s healthy n living. too much, too mcfreakin late.

not to toot my own horn or anything, but honestly, i believe that i deserve a medallion of some sort, a, como se dice, Award and thanks for my service in enduring this hellshow for so long, but that’s just my opinion.

in conclusion, riverdale is a mess but i’ve invested way too much in this show that i might as well keep watching so i can keep dragging it seasonally so you don’t have to.

lauren

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