Phuket and Home Sweet Home!!
31 may Friday
Feeling shitty after no sleep on the flight just now. And it was so cold. Walked out into the humid air for the first time in almost 4 months… I cannot believe this is happening. I am back in southeast Asia.
Was reading up on the cult just now and feeling very stupid again. Why why why didn’t I just trust my feelings and walk away?? There were so many red flags popping up in my head, alarms going off but I kept going cos the girls seemed nice. OK I am lying to myself. The girls were a little fake and annoying, I think the real reason I went along was curiosity. Noooo curiosity killed the cat!! Now the thing stopping me from following my gut instinct isn’t thst I am too nice and have a problem saying no, it is that I am too curious for my own good. I should just take this as a lesson, but I hate the feeling of being cheated so much that i am still kicking myself for not being smart enough. OK this is the last time I am so gei kiang. From now on, I will say no when I want to and stop being so nice and trying to consider other people’s feelings and being so damn curious!! LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCT !!! OK hope I learn to forgive myself and let this go after meditating. Shit! Why why why didn’t I walk off after saying bye!!
OK really feeling the effects of the all-nighters now. It is such a horrible feeling. So i took the taxi to the hotel and waited 2 hours to check in so I had breakfast. It was a relief to reach the hotel cos from then on I could relax!! Showered and slept 1.5 hours before wanyi jie jie came in. It feels like I was never away. Greeted mama papa at the lobby and they were happy to see me. I didn’t bring anything out at all. No phone no money. Very shiok to just follow and not have tot use my brain. The massage was good. Then we walked to dinner and wanyi complained about mama papa. I chose a Thai restaurant and the food was good. Papa wants me to do a ppt on nz. It is a good idea!
Back to hotel to shower and attend the Q&A session. But I couldn’t focus. Very relieved to be back in my room. Cannot wait to have an early night.
1 June Saturday
Omg it is June!! I can’t believe it. I had such a deep sleep last night but was still so tired today I fell asleep during all the sessions. Torture. My body felt so weak and drained of energy but as expected mama papa insisted that I lian gong. Did it at the swimming pool and all the AMs kept staring and laughing. At lunch we couldn’t find a table and jiayan wanted to combine 2 tables but I really couldn’t be bothered. As I was telling shirleen, it takes time to adapt to group dynamics. The good thing is that we have a rough program to follow so not like we need to do any planning but at times like the lunch thingy when we were struggling to find a table for 5, I am reminded of why I love solo travel.
2 June Sunday
Told mama papa a few things I have learnt from solo travel and they were quite eager to listen and learn. Like not having to make every day a program, not needing many things cos I lived out of a backpack, eating fruits everyday cos I cannot afford to fall sick. Papa said he asked mama how she gave birth to such a brave child and she said it is not brave, it is zeng qi hao ran. Anw I kinda can’t wait to get home and get a facial, my oil clogs are so horrible.
3 June Monday
AB said never act out of 4 things: personal desire, ill will, stupidity and fear. Fear cripples.
I can’t wait to go home and yet I am dreading it. Tmr is my last full day here. I still haven’t focused fully on the sessions.
4 June tue
Couldn’t sleep last night, it was terrible. So many thoughts running through my mind. The thing about solo travel is that you need to be very positive. Keep holding yourself up. And you also attract kindness so you meet only nice people. I felt so free and happy and constantly amazed by the kindness I received. I never wanna lose that feeling.
Not sure how I feel about going back home tmr. So surreal. I know that I want to travel again!
5 June wed
Well it is time. On the flight back to sg now. I can’t believe it. I can’t wait to do my facial though. Get my things in order. Really think about my next step. I am determined to do another yolo trip.
I didn’t manage to meditate at all! My mind is like a wild animal. So much for finding inner peace. Still, it was good to listen to AB’s talks. Always be compassionate. Know how to let things go. The cough/bell or whatever disturbed you was over a while ago yet you are still thinking about it! Seriously though, I already miss having all the time to myself. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. But with mama papa there is always a schedule to follow, always a time to do something. I dislike it. I hope I don’t have to go back into a routine when I get home. I want to be free!
Home!! Hugged aunty Helen cos she missed me so much awwww I knew it
Happy lunch at aunty house and they asked what I am gonna do now and I said I wanna get a job overseas. Mama papa were v quiet haha! Unpacked and took a shower. Feels surreal and so so blissful taking a shower in my own toilet. And my afternoon nap was a dream nap. So deep!! Fist bumped yz when I got downstairs for bball. My right shoulder hurt so badly but I still made a few shots, the magic came back wiuhiu!! Dinner was so delicious – potato minced pork, dumplings and soup. I helped with the dishes and took out the trash. V happy. Drank puer outside and chatted then watched the 9pm show. Then Grimm. Right back into my routine in the end, but it is so comfortable and I feel so grateful for everything. My beautiful clean home, my happy family. The food. I am so happy to be home.