Everyone needs love: what happened between March-May

16-05-2019 19:05

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything, and I’ve noticed I came off as a little angry, bitter and offensive in my 300th post. That was horrible.

I’m going to try to not rant again because I am dealing with trauma in my family right now. Things at home are extremely bad. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything at all and let the pictures do all the work.

First of which, Costume Con 37. Here are the photos I took of the convention and Salem/ Boston in the very short three days I had in New England.

A little too much competition there at Costume Con. I won absolutely nada. Nothing. Not even a job opportunity.

But I can’t say it wasn’t fun or exciting. It was the biggest adventure I’ve ever had this year. Anthony and I saw TURKEYS in Salem! Real, live turkeys in someone’s yard as we were driving from the airport!

I unfortunately did not post photos of my costume because I was so busy and frantic during the weekend that I didn’t have time to take pictures of my new costume. Also, the costume is currently under reconstruction. I’m half crocheting and half sewing (with real fabric this time, from an old Nine West dress) a new skirt that will look like a blue wibbly wobbly thing, somewhat of an exploding Tardis.

But, this is what my costume entry premier looked like at the convention in Danvers, Mass.

I agree with the music choice I decided on. Freddie Mercury would have been right, that the 13th Doctor is a killer queen, dynamite with a laser beam like the sonic screwdriver. Ha.

April- field trip to D.C. with my ASL 101 class with Kathleen, my DSS counselor. This was my favorite shot I took outside Gallaudet University, the one and only four year college for the deaf.

And then there was a lovely breakfast in the morning at the deaf Starbucks, where all the baristas spoke in sign language only (that was cool- I ordered my first iced tea in sign and fingerspelling!). And then there was a super cool, informative tour-

End of April, I figured out how to sign this movie- fist letter A, V with two fingers, fist letter E, fist letter with thumb in the middle of your fingers (N), pointed finger sideways (G), another E, crossed fingers R, and fist letter S. Hand sign where you take the ‘week’ out of ‘weekend’, and bump your fists together with two thumbs up. Translation:

A-V-E-N-G-E-R-S END-GAME.

Saw that bad boy with my lover man at the one and only Bengie’s Drive In, the last standing and functioning drive in theatre on the east coast.

That’s a picture Anthony took of me before sundown when the movie started.

And almost immediately the next day when we saw Endgame, the bottom fell out and all hell broke loose. Here’s the news.

These photos were taken from the internet as I did research.

It’s about my dad’s medical condition.

Not sure you can read them or not, but they say: physical therapy for amputation patients and how long it has to take, then the other two are about the results of my dad’s colonoscopy.

My dad has cancer. He also had an infection in his left leg, and the doctors said it was so severe, they had to amputate the whole leg from a little above the knee. We still don’t know what stage of cancer dad has from the colon screening, but the doctors think they caught it early, maybe in stage II or III, where dad will have the most chances of achieving full remission like my Uncle Gary, my dad’s uncle, for he’s my grandmother’s brother. He’s been two years cancer free from colorectal cancer.

I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer or a Negative Nancy, as a couple of my friends from ASL called me, but I’m terrified that even with all the money in the world, my dad will die in a matter of weeks, possibly during the entire physical therapy that he now has to do after he gets out of the hospital in a week or so.

It’s final exams now, so everything at this point is on hold, even the restructuring to my Doctor Who costume. I would love a surprise party for my 31st birthday, to try making my birthday so much better than the disgusting shit I pulled last year on my 30th. That’s never going to happen, as far as I know, because dad is in complete physical and emotional pain from losing his whole leg, and now he needs a prosthetic one (like the one in Guardians of the Galaxy, ha ha), and Shore Leave 41 for us, from what I understand, is canceled until further notice.

This is what I want for my birthday this year. I want my father to recover from all of these medical problems and murder and slaughter his colon cancer DEAD, so that he will live to see his daughter graduate from CCBC this time next year. If my dad dies, I want someone nice and loving to take care of my mom, and it cannot be my crazy Christian grandmother, that’s non negotiable. The last thing I want is to see my mother lonely. Also, I want a career, my own house, and I want to know how to drive my own car so I can get the hell out of Maryland for all the hell my family has been through. I needed a job last year, and it never happened. The dream job I prepared myself for didn’t want me, and every time I tried to contact my job coach about it, she ignored me and sent me to her voicemail for two to three months.

Enough before I go off on a tangent that doesn’t need to be said. My parents are trying to handle this. The amputation surgery for the gout-diabetic infection in his leg went really well, and his right leg is unharmed. He can still use his right leg to drive our Jeep. By the way, our grand prize Jeep that we won in 2010, it died last weekend, so my mom is using Grandma Joan’s car that says “Jesus died for you” and “Vote for Trump” on the back as a rental. I want our Jeep back.

And also, my sweet blue laptop Jodie had to die too. I took her to Micro Center to have her looked at because on many occasions her power button came on but I had no display, just a black screen. I got a call yesterday from the Knowledge Bar at Micro Center in Perring Plaza, they are able to fix the problem (dead display panel) for free and give me a refund of my diagnostic payment of $40 since I’m still under their 1-year limited warranty because guess where I bought Jodie for $220? At that exact same location, same store. That was the only good news I heard all week.

Micro Center, I so ooh la la love you. 🙂

Right now, I have mixed emotions going on that I don’t know what else to say. I’m scared to visit my dad in the hospital right now because of how I feel about all this, and I don’t like to see my dad in any more pain. I’ve visited him once or twice in the hospital before the surgery, and now I don’t know what to think. I didn’t think for a moment that it would happen to any of my family members, and definitely not a close one.

My mother used to say to me about dad, “Cancer won’t kill that man.” But now that he’s going to do the physical therapy to get stronger again before getting more tests to see what stage of cancer he has, I’m thinking that once they detect it, it will be too late and his body still won’t be strong enough to fight the cancer. His body will be skinnier, for he used to weigh 300 pounds before any of these hospital stays, but once you lose all that weight and the cancer accelerates too fast, you will be gone in a matter of weeks.

My only wish is that I can have my dad’s life back. This amputation is going to change all of our lives. But I’m not worried about dad losing his leg as much as I’m worried about colon cancer, one of the biggest most preventable cancers in America. I’m scared my dad will not live to see his daughter getting her Associate’s and getting a job, or even having that same experience my grandpa Joe had on Father’s Day 1986: seeing his little girl get married. The day my mom and dad got married was the happiest day of Joe Jones’s life. I want that for my dad to see, and I want him to be singing his favorite wedding song, Don Henley’s “For My Wedding”, at the ceremony.

I’m not ready to get married yet, I still have a lot to figure out. But knowing that my dad won’t be at my graduation, my wedding, and every convention that we have father-daughter time together, I think it’s going to kill me. It almost happened to my girl friend Tiffany when she lost her mom to double blood cancer in a matter of a few months. I don’t think I can handle my father losing his leg and then dying of cancer.

As Inigo Montoya says in Princess Bride, only I’m saying this in my bitchy voice to my dad’s cancer, “I want my father back, you son of a bitch.”

This doesn’t mean I’m dropping out of school, and it doesn’t mean I’m not going to write anymore. Those are options I can’t afford right now. I need to finish this horrible school, because even though CCBC is a pain in the ass and my economics teacher was a bastard this semester, I need something better than journalism to get a REAL job.

It’s time I take better care of myself. And it’s time I look after my family, for they are my everything.

I love you.

-The Lady in the Blue Box

Playlist selection- this music video is one of the weirdest I’ve ever seen from Eurovision 2019 this year, but I have faith that Katerine Duska from Greece might just make the top 10 in the finals on Saturday in Tel Aviv, Israel. This is dedicated to my father in hopes of his recovery from entire leg amputation and colorectal cancer. I love you, dad.

Here is “Better Love”, Greece entry, Eurovision 2019 in Tel Aviv, Israel, “Dare to Dream”:

And because dad is an Eagles and Don Henley fan, this is the song I want to do at karaoke to keep him in thoughts and prayers. “When we’re hungry, love will keep us alive…”

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