14 Dec 18
The Irish Sun
TIME is a healer they say but for some of us it takes more than that to mend a broken heart.
According to a US study it takes around 18 months on average to move on from an ex, whereas Charlotte From Sex And The City mused that it takes half the total time you go out with someone to get over them.
These ladies have all been unlucky in love, but have learnt from their heart break- here’s how long it took them to get over their ex
‘I hadn’t seen split coming’
MUM-OF-TWO Jessica Calder, 39, from Eastbourne, East Sussex, took two years to move on from her ex-partner after an unexpected break-up.
Jesscia said it was a struggle to move on from her relationship and the break up came as a total shock
The paralegal says: “To me our relationship had been perfect. We’d been together for four years, living together for two, when suddenly he said he was leaving.
“Up until then I thought we met each other on every level. We did everything together, planned our futures together, and parented our children from previous relationships together.
“He said it was because our children weren’t getting along, but to me that didn’t make any sense and I struggled to accept it was the truth.
“Then I discovered that since moving out he’d been spending time with another woman. I was reeling with shock, but he still denied it was the reason he left.
Jessica realised her ex-partner wasn’t the man she thought he was, but only time helped her understand that
“There were so many unanswered questions and pieces that just did not fit together. I struggled to move on. I felt stuck in limbo. It really threw me emotionally, especially having to question how I could have got it so wrong.
“Seeing him with his new partner while I was still trying to get my head around our break-up was tough.
“Over time I began to see things more clearly and had to accept that he wasn’t the man I thought he was. Clarity enabled me to start to heal.
[quote credit=”Jessica Calder” credit-meta=”Mum-of-two”]Now I feel grateful for the lessons that awful break-up has taught me[/quote]
“Then two years after we broke up and I saw them together, I felt nothing. Earlier this year I realised that I deserve a lot better.
“I know I’m over it now, but I think I would have been able to get over things a lot quicker with more honesty.
“Perhaps he was trying to protect me from the pain of the truth, but it only made it more painful.
“Now I feel grateful for the lessons that awful break-up has taught me. I’m open to dating again and looking forward to the future.”
‘Surprised to meet the one’
FULL-TIME mum Mia Alexis-Warren, 34, met her welder husband David, 33, five days after splitting up with her ex-partner. The couple, who live in Rossendale, Lancs, have been together for six years and have a son, Arley, who is four.
Mia met her perfect man just a week after she split from her ex and got the fairytale ending she had always dreamt of
Mia says: “It doesn’t matter if you’ve been single for five months, or five minutes, when you find The One like I did, you just know.
“I’d been with my ex for a year and although we lived together, it wasn’t working out.
“When the relationship ended, I didn’t think I’d find anyone else. A week after we split, I went on a night out and bumped into David in a club.
“We spent the whole night laughing and dancing. We got separated from our friends and we stayed up partying until 6am.
Six months after meeting David, Mia fell pregnant with with Arley and this year the pair got engaged at the top of the Eiffel Tower
“It all happened unexpectedly and, although I wasn’t looking to jump from one relationship to another, it felt right.
“We’ve been together ever since. Six months after meeting, I found out I was pregnant with Arley and we got our own place.
“In February this year, David proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower and we married in July.
“I have always had a picture in my head of my dream guy and David ticks all the boxes.
“I never imagined I’d fall in love so quickly, but it was definitely meant to be.”
‘Too drained to deal with it’
BEAUTY salon owner Jayne Hornsby, 43, from Rotherham, is still not over her ex – eight years after they split up.
Jayne’s ex’s short temper made the relationship an emotionally draining experience
Single Jayne, who is also a weight-loss consultant, says: “I wasn’t looking for love when an old friend made it clear he was interested in me, but the way he pursued me made me feel special.
“I’d been more focused on my business than settling down, but I found myself falling for him.
“Only after he moved in with me, things started to change. What I had thought was his fiery passion, was actually just a short temper.
The beauty salon owner would rather be single than go through a traumatic break up again
“We argued non-stop. At first making up was fun and he’d do anything for me. But it was emotionally tiring and slowly I began adjusting things I said and did to try and prevent a fallout. I stopped seeing family and friends too.
“We broke up so many times, but I always took him back. Finally after four years together, in 2010, he moved out again.
“It was four years before I felt able to start dating again, but I soon realised I was too emotionally drained to deal with it. And that’s where I still am today, eight years after the break-up.
“I’d still rather be single than have to go through something as horrendous as that again. I wonder if I will ever be able to let my barrier down and feel ready to love again.”
‘I had to adjust to being single’
EMILY SPENCE, 25, a student nurse, from Chesterfield, has been single since splitting with her partner in March last year. They were together for four years and Emily says it took nine months for her to move on.
After splitting from her ex Emily felt lost when she was suddenly on her own
She says: “When you’re with someone for a long time you think it’s going to be forever. I met my ex Sam* when I was 19 and we were saving to buy a house together. In the end, it didn’t work out.
“We wanted different things, but I was still heartbroken when we split. I felt lost on my own.
The ladies have healed their broken hearts after taking the time to focus on themselves
“I started going out with the girls and although I got attention, my self-esteem and confidence were low. The first couple of months were the hardest as I adjusted to being single.
“If I went on a date, my heart wasn’t in it and it felt like I was going through the motions.
“I bumped into him on a night out a few months later. He told me he wanted to give things another go, and while I was tempted because of our history, I knew he wasn’t right for me and I had to take control to move on.
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“A part of me wishes I had got over my ex sooner, but it has given me time to work out what I want, and don’t want, in a relationship.
“I’m keeping my options open when it comes to new relationships. If someone comes along, then great but I won’t be rushing into anything.”
*name has been changed
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