28 Dec 18
Orange County Register
Does your concept of a perfect New Year’s Day involve footie pajamas, oversized Spongebob slippers, cocoa by the Costco-sized container — and, if required, this season’s hippest hangover cure?
Take a moment to make sure the remote hasn’t danced under the sofa, then read on. Here’s your guide to the couch-potato-pleasing splendor of Jan. 1 on TV:
The Real Big Red RoseCast
Even during these polarized times of shutdowns, putdowns, smackdowns and tweetbursts, we can all agree on one thing: Every new year starts with hope, optimism and Pasadena’s Rose Parade.
This year’s march down Colorado Boulevard boasts all kinds of firsts, most of them achieved by her highness Louise Deser Siskel, the first Jewish Rose Queen, first LGBTQ Rose Queen, first Sequoyah High senior Rose Queen and, gasp, first glasses-wearing Rose Queen. Attention, Elon Musk: Call this young woman and invite her to be the first Rose Queen on Mars, ASAP!
Another first: Embracing the “Melody of Life” theme, musical icon Chaka Khan will perform in the parade’s opening spectacular, the first-ever such pre-parade performance by a grand marshal.
You gotta wonder, though, what kind of musical chops past GMs Sandra Day O’Connor, Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger or Regis Philbin would have offered up.
The parade is televised live at 8 a.m. on KTLA, KABC, KNBC, Univision (in Spanish), HGTV, Sky Link TV (in Mandarin and Cantonese), the Hallmark Channel, RFD TV and the Game Show Network (just kidding about that last one).
KTLA shows the big floral stroll commercial-free for starters, then repeats the broadcast (with commercials magically added) for late risers for the rest of the day.
Let’s get this out of the way, right off the top: Cord Hosenbeck and Tish Cattigan are not real people. They are comedians Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon, pretending to be woefully out-of-touch TV parade hosts.
Many viewers didn’t get that last year, and, thus, the goofy prankcast sparked a little outrage, a little confusion and a whole lot of social-media static.
So, of course, they’re back. “The 2019 Rose Parade Hosted by Cord & Tish” will stream live at 8 a.m. on FunnyOrDie.com, Twitch, and on Funny Or Die’s Facebook, Twitter and YouTube sites.
Moody-man on the street Tim Meadows is back, too.
More marching required?
Need more marching bands and horses in sequins, stat?
Philadelphia’s shiny, feather-flocked Mummers Parade is available via livestream at phl17.com/live/.
Mind you, since the National Championship Game turned into a mini-tournament with maxi-hype, Jan. 1 isn’t really THE college football day anymore.
Nonetheless, New Year’s Day still boasts the Granddaddy of Them All, Pasadena’s Rose Bowl, plus some other games with clunky corporate nicknames and pretty-pretty-good matchups. The lineups:
Rose Bowl: Got tickets? We’ve been telling you for weeks to get there early and elude the street closures and parade aftershocks, but noooo, some people never listen. For the couch-bound crowd, the game kicks off around 2 p.m. on ESPN, Hulu Live, Sling TV, DirecTV Now and WatchESPN. With USC and UCLA’s kids taking early exits to focus on their studies, it’s up to Washington (10-3) to defend the West Coast’s honor against Ohio State (12-1), who will no doubt be driving angry over its “you almost made the final four” status.
Outback Bowl: In a battle of two perfectly acceptable 8-4 teams, Iowa takes on Mississippi State at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa. Kickoff comes at 9 a.m. our time on ESPN2, Hulu Live, Sling TV, DirecTV Now and WatchESPN.
PlayStation Fiesta Bowl: Central Florida aims for the revered “We Didn’t Lose All Year and Yet…” Trophy by keeping its 12-0 record untarnished against LSU and its somewhat tarnished 9-3 mark. Go time is 10 a.m. on ESPN, Hulu Live, Sling TV, DirecTV Now and WatchESPN.
Citrus Bowl: This no-title-sponsor spectacle features an all-feline lineup (did the Jonny Cat deal fall through?), not to be confused with the Feb. 3 Kitten Bowl. Penn State’s Nittany Lions (9-3) take on Kentucky’s Wildcats (9-3) at 10 a.m. on ABC — one of those old-school “TV networks” you can see with a rooftop antenna or cleverly-fashioned coathanger — or via more newfangled Hulu Live, Sling TV, DirecTV Now and WatchESPN streaming services.
Allstate Sugar Bowl: In the new year’s nightcap, Georgia (11-2) takes on Texas (9-4) in the Allstate Sugar Bowl in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in the Zatarain’s Presents City of New Orleans. Kickoff is 5:45 p.m. on ESPN, Hulu Live, Sling TV, DirecTV Now and WatchESPN.
What’s new? Olaf and the Doc
A couple of popular TV franchises start the year with milestone moments:
BBC America’s beloved “Doctor Who” – the timey-wimey sci-fi stalwart who recently changed showrunners, casts and genders – is now changing its approach to holiday programming. After years of Christmas specials, the TARDIS lands on New Year’s Day this year with an episode called “Resolution.” It’s scheduled for 8 p.m., but check your service’s schedule. Spoiler alert: Yup, Daleks.
It’s your good fortune that Netflix will unleash Season 3 of “Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events.” For those unscarred by this series, it’s the streaming version of Daniel Handler’s depressingly hilarious saga of the enduringly plucky Baudelaire siblings, made increasingly miserable by arch enemy and surrogate parent — it’s complicated — Count Olaf. Scenery-devouring Neil Patrick Harris plays the clumsily-costumed baddie.
All day long
And for the folks who enjoy a test of endurance but hate going outside, here’s a sampling of just some this year’s TV marathons. Most of them start on Dec. 31 and conclude sometime the next day.
“The Twilight Zone” (duh!) — SYFY
“Sex & the City” — E!
“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” — USA Network
“Doctor Who” — BBC America
“Mythbusters” — Science
“Family Guy” — TBS
“Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” — Bravo
“The Goldbergs” — TVLand
There are more, of course, but don’t you need to be back at work on Wednesday? Hmmm?
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